threeinchestall

I'm becoming outgoing and charismatic, the more it's taking from me. It's like putting quarters into a broken vending machine and putting more and more into it, but never getting anything out until all of my coins are gone, and I'm flat broke, and everyone has seen what I can do. I can't impress but I still have so much desire and passion.



I've been thinking so much lately. Everything just proves more and more difficult and complex with everyday now. I'm trying my best.

I feel sick all the time. I'm not exaggerating.

I think about the future a lot. All the time. I want to fast forward with life and see if anything is worth my time. For as cynical I am...it really shouldn't even matter. The past is hard on me, it beats me up. Which really brings me to the next thing, if not biggest issue that I've been thinking about....okay, if you know, then you know.
I don't want to mess up. I need to know how I feel, and what I'm meant for.
Hell, who was "meant" for anything. I'm just here and I guess that's going to have to make due.



I'm stuck wondering about the in between stage of being awake and that of sleeping. As a child, I was informed that the sandman would sprinkle his dust over my eyes and to slumber I would head. The fantasies, the hopes, the daydreams, the nightmares...all prospered during that period. Left with questioning, the only thing I awoke with was the sand in the corner of my eyes.



Hypothetical hypochondria.
I know that the river's there to shelter me.

I threw the quarter. It flashed in the florescent light and flew into his side. It was almost like I was tipping a stripper or something, with my minion fingers working for some God who could see his own reflection in a parking lot. That movie theatre. That fountain. That time.



If there's something in your gut that you feel is right
Something.

Anything.

Any sort of disturbance amongst the normal tendencies that you feel,
Then please, pursue it.
Because before you know it, it might not be there anymore.
And you'll go through your entire life not knowing.
Never knowing.
Never.
And you would never know if that thing could be the best thing you would ever experience, share, love, have.
You would never know.
Isn't it the most depressing thing to think that you let something go?
Just because you didn't try.
Please don't let it go.
Life is nothing.
Or it's everything.
It all depends.
So go after your gut wrenching insecurities and see the experience that'll derive from curiousity.

Okay, enough personal blogs.
I am so blessed to have the most beautiful souls around me.

I just ramble way too much.
Back to other things.

xoxo.

Happy MONDAY.