threeinchestall

I'm so....so, something.

I don't know, I don't know.

You know?

-I don't think there is anything above sleep. I love falling asleep, mid afternoon, the only noise being the hum of my home. Tangled in the sheets and blankets, holding a pillow to my chest, and just..sleeping. Breathing unconciously. Nothing passes time faster. I wish I could sleep more often. My insomnia interferes deeply with my passion for sleep, but I truly wish you could capture the essence of sleeping and put it in a bottle. Because I don't always have time to lay in bed for days.

-Ignorance is not bliss. This is the best thing I've ever had, and please, please don't ruin it. I want this more than life. I hope a lot of people read this to appreciate that honesty is a beautiful trait and lying makes you hideous and untidy. I hope the readers will come to realize that the secrets they so skillfully keep from me, the secrets they so wittingly hide when I'm was so close, those secrets look back at you in the mirror one day and you will recognize the damage you've so calculatedly caused. I've had a chance to watch those secrets from afar when you weren't looking, pretending like you're not the casualty in them is easy, and reminding yourself that you are is hard. I bore all to you, all those times I thought were untainted and delicate became foul and filthy. Those secrets now fill the voids where your company so beautifully stood, I believed enough to trust the lies you fed to me like leftovers to a stray dog.
It's amusing that whenever you hear of friends 'having your back' you'd think they would have the back of the person who is doing nothing wrong. To you that witnessed the entire shame and never had enough courage to do the right thing and tell me, I can't blame you but, don't tell me that you were just trying to protect me. If you were a friend, you would tell me about what you had done because; as far as I know who was the one who got hurt in the end when the secrets came out?

That was an ugly stab in the back.

I'm not reallly sure what that was about.

-I'm ready. I really am.

-I'm hoping and wishing so badly I'm physically sick.

Headachestomachachetoothachbodyache.

Shh.

-I'm happy.

I really, really am. I'm in a great place.

 

-I could really sit and talk to you for hours on your floor. Wrapped in a plaid blanket, sitting on couch cushions, that is me. That is us. We are beautiful.

 

-My life consists of lists.

-Food tastes so good when you've worked hard.

-I've turned into an entertainment junkie. It's awful. I sit and play Bolt on my DS; I'm the epitemy of cool.

-Sometimes when I can't sleep, I lean against my window to catch the planet, to be cold and quiet and think about people. But gosh, four hours of sleep can only take someone so far. Who am I kidding? I can sleep when I'm dead.

-I haven't drawn in like seventy years and am being deprived.

-When I'm tired, I get super weird. I'm no longer a fussy person. I've learned to psych myself out of being in a bad mood.

-I wish I had lazers, and claws as long as oars.

-I live in my head; vivid imagination? Oh, you bet. I just wish I could get it out and show you. And by you, I mean you.

-I overanalyze and underanalyze and I'm anxious all the time.

Especially for Christmas. This, Christmas.

Christmas.

 

- I really do feel so grateful for so much more this Christmas season. I'm feeling so much more this year than ever! (:

 

- I love reading all of your blogs, you are wonderful people. I think of you daily, and love being updated on your life. Off the top of my mind... Aleesha, Kylee, Reilly, Quincy, Macy, Alee,  Stefanie, plus many more. I read every word on your blog. Although I rarely comment, just know that I love your words and experiences, you inspire me, thank you.

 

-I didn't really want this blog to be too personal, urgh. Eventually it will disappear and a new one will start.

 

Love.

-h.