because you can't lose something you never had.

Vicious.

Although my day started off a bit shaky, things were okay. It was a decent day.

There's a reason I do the things I do.

There's a reason I work where I work.

There's a reason I live where I live.

There's a reason I talk to the people I talk to.

There's a reason I wear what I wear.

There's a reason I live the way I live.

Isn't there a reason for everything though? Lately I have reasonings for almost everything. Most of which aren't legit..
I have so many worthless ramblings right now.

Between all the whistling in my head, plans I'm not making any time soon, and my 'unstability' (as I was told today) I am.....here. All here. I've never been more sure of it in my entire life. I don't know what I want to do, but I know what I don't want to do. I'm not really moving forward...but I'm not really moving backwards. I'm just, here. And I'm more than okay with that. I'm sure of it. And him. And my decisions. I know I want to dance with you barefoot in constellations, moving under the changing patterns of the sky above us and its hues of lavender and periwinkle. I want to move and grow with you. I want to sit with you on porches when we are old and wrinkly, I want to watch your hair grow grey under the passing of time. I want to stay by your side and whisper words of comfort through the great still eyes of night and sing words of joy through the laughing eyes of the sun. Go ahead say I am young and stupid. That I'm only eighteen and a poet besides, but those who have felt the depths of sadness also feel the depths of love. My body is as old as the time it has been here on earth, but my soul has grown since the beginning of time and I believe I've loved you since then. There is nothing love cannot overcome, there are only people who cannot overcome their disbelief in love and in each other. I'll just keep holding onto it.

They say the quieter you are, the more you hear, so maybe I'll start talking less and listening more.

Maybe I'll start to feel the same comfort that I've felt the past year and a half until two weeks ago.

Maybe I'll make it through the day without a massive migrane from tears that make my cheeks feel dry when I wake up in the morning.

The morning....ah, the morning.

The morning is the worst for me. Something about it that makes me feel so much more than I ever do late at night or during the day. It's no wonder I am a morning person.

I am me in the morning. The real me. Waking up, alone.

Thank you, Andrew Bird for saving my life.