threeinchestall

These feelings are taking control.
The steaming water is pouring on top of my bare body; my arms curled around my bruised legs.
Goose bumps start to cover my skin, although the water is warm. It happens every time.
My straightened brown hair turns to black curls. I mix in with the drops that slide down my arms and legs.
There's nothing I can cover up now, I'm exposed. It's as if I'm wearing my thoughts on my skin. I'm curled up in a hopeless position ready to be rescued.
Another night with wet hair and an old pair of grey sweats. Candles lit, and phone by side. Another night of figuring out how to keep myself from sleep. Another night alone.
Again, my sleep turns into 3am. 2 if I'm lucky.
Cold hands and a pillow drops to the floor.
8 unread messages.
2 missed calls.
1 missing sock.
I'll find something to do, see friends and share a few opinions.
Some words slip out of my mouth and I'm done for the day. Either hot chocolate all night or an empty bed. I try to avoid choice 2.
Months pass and I keep myself busy almost every night. Reading to join a life that's not my own, talking to keep my mind off of thinking, thinking to keep my mind off of saying your name, sleeping to get away from reality, or typing to forget about it later.
It don't have control over any of that now.
I read, but the characters remind me of what we could have been.
I talk, but end up talking about you.
I think, but I think of all the memories I've erased.
I sleep, but dream of you.
I type, but type of you.
I miss you, still.
You were my dear friend.
and I say 'were' but really mean 'are'.
Everything ends eventually, right?
Every time I'm around you I can't help but to smile.
I feel sick, my head feels heavy.
You can't sleep. My hands are shaking and I feel afraid, I'm always afraid.
What they say, never matters, because it wont change the way we felt. It's weird seeing you from a distance. There is no better feeling than comfort from another human being. Comfort that is real, love that is real. I'm truly happy for you. It's so simple, why can't I understand.
Wait. I can understand.
I feel like I can't reach out any further.